This was a writing task set by my psychiatrist. In April. I finally finished it. You should probably read Dr Suess’s ABC if you haven’t already.

Big A little a, what begins with A?

Anorexia, angry, awful A A A

Big B little b, what begins with B?

Body, belly, backside, boobs B B B

Big C little c what begins with C?

Constantly counting calories, C C C

Big D little d, what begins with D?

Diet, denial, depression, D D D.

E E E E what begins with E?

Excessive exercise, extremes E E E

Big F little f what begins with F?

Food food food food fear fear fear.

Big G little g, what begins with G?

Ghost of who you used to be G G G

Big H little h what begins with H?

Hiding, hating, haunted, hungry H H H

Big I little i, I I I

I’ll be alright, I’ll be okay, lie, lie, lie

Big K little k, kitchen, kettle, kale

Kilograms you constantly have to check upon the scale

Big L little l, L L L

Lies and left last bites

Loss, loose skin and loneliness

Eyes without their lights

M M M what begins with M?

Many munching mouths

Are Making me feel anxious

Must find a quick way out.

Big N little n

What begin with those?

Controlling all my nervousness

By breathing through my nose

O is very useful

You use when you say

“Only organic oranges

Down my oesophagus today”

A B C D E F G

H I J K L M N O…

P!

People, people, please!

Perfection’s what I’m after

So just stop pestering me

Big Q little q

What begins with Q?

Quaking at the quantities

Of piles and piles of food

Big R little r

Restriction’s where it’s at

Remember to throw away the food

You hid inside your hat!

Big S little s

Skeletally slender you sigh

You’re shivering, shaking, scared and staking

Your life on a stupid lie

T T t t

Too tired to talk, too tired to walk

Too terrified to see

Big U little u, what begins with U?

Uncompromising, undernourished

This new and ‘improved’ you

Big V little v

Victorious over your needs

But the victory’s as hollow as the skin around your knees

W w W Wishing, wanting, weighing

But standing up too fast, it seems,

Just sets the world a-swaying

X is very useful as your list of foods grows small

Heck, just cross the lot off – you don’t need food at all

Big Y little y

You’ve aged before your time

You look half dead already but you tell yourself you’re fine

A B C D E F G

H I J K L M N O P

Q R S T U V

W X Y and…

Z!

Big Z little z what begins with Z?

I wish I could ZAP you better

But I can’t even ZAP me

We’ll just do the hard work together

So we can truly be free.

I’ll get there.

Gloria is not me.