Won’t Go Back

Last week was challenging. It was my first back at uni, I’d gained yet more weight and we had predictions of wild weather to make my boy’s life misery. Oh, and our car kept breaking down. Perfect storm for Gloria to try to trip me up. Trick me into thinking restriction and weightloss would get me in control of it all.

BUT SHE DIDN’T.

Oh, she nearly did. It was just a little blip.

BUT I DIDN’T STAY DOWN.

I was able to be real about what I needed to achieve. I had to get my head around my new units for study. I had to cope with feeling and being bigger. I had to be strong, physically and emotionally, so I could support my boy and I had to deal with mechanics not fixing our car the first THREE times they had it. This needs energy. Energy means food. Food means guilt and shame. Guilt and shame I just didn’t have time for. So, as hard as it was at times (food still is hugely evil), I ate. I chose to eat to give myself the energy to live.

I got through last week. And not by the skin of my teeth.

I ROCKED IT. Hannah-style.

I’m starting to realise Gloria cannot compete with real living. The counterfeit existence she offers is such a poor imitation. Like 97% fat free mass-produced mayo poor.

Uni looks achievable, Tim survived, and I think actually grew, and the car is now fixed (at no extra cost). Just thankful and prayerful.

Gloria is not me.

Phoebesandme

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9 thoughts on “Won’t Go Back

  1. That’s great Hannah…one step at a time…one day at a time!! I am so proud of you!!
    Not an easy journey but you have a far greater power within you and surrounding you….God…your amazing and awesome Heavenly Father who loves you unconditionally and immeasurably.
    He guards you against all harm and danger and gives you the strength to fight this battle.
    Well done beautiful girl.
    Love you xx Bev

    Like

  2. Hey Hannah 🙂

    I just wanted to send you some encouragement. I was anorexia for 5 years and had a very tenuous grip on recovery for 2 more. But I did get through it and now have a PhD, a husband and planning a baby- and the most startling part is that I can eat anything I want almost without thinking about it. It was a long road but it is possible and the freedom is totally totally worth it.

    oh and the other best part, I’m nothing even remotely like fat 🙂

    Like

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