Today I had an appointment with a new psychiatrist. More blood tests, referral to a new dietician, medications increased (yes, depression is an issue, too) and back to weekly visits to my GP.

Still torn between wanting recovery and dreading gaining weight. Gaining weight means I’m losing control. Losing control means losing everything. Or so Gloria tries to tell me.

Still in denial. Still refusing to accept what’s in my face and what I am doing to myself and the ones I love. Today is one of the days I just want to go somewhere dark and quiet and sleep til this problem goes away.

I have noticed that life doesn’t ever work that way. The only way to get rid of this is to stand up and face it. Fight. And when I fall down I have to get back up, face it and fight again. But I am just so tired.

Today it is hard to believe that there will be a time when:

Gloria is not me.

tbh photo

One thought on “TBH

  1. Hey Hannah just read your blog and yes it is a hard road you are travelling. I took this journey with a very close friend of mine some years ago. And yes it was very tough…lots of hospital admissions and IV feeding and massive depression. My friend lived with me when she wasn’t in the Pychiatric Hospital so I know first hand how hard it is for you and for your family.
    The one thing I can say is there is a way out…it is long and hard and very tiring but you can do it.
    You have already done the hardest part and that is admitting you have a problem.
    So walk this journey with confidence knowing you ARE stronger than Gloria. You have the God of the Universe fighting with you and you have family and friends that will walk this journey with you no matter how long it takes.
    You are special and you are a Brave Woman of the Most High God and you can do this.
    Love you heaps Hannah


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