Today Gloria has swung around and is trying to tell me I don’t have a problem. Everyone else is wrong. I don’t have a problem with food and eating. I’m not that thin, really. And those other health things, well I can survive, and it won’t get any worse.

True, I don’t have a problem with food and eating, until I have to do it. That is, think about either or both. Kind of unravels there.

So according to Gloria absolutely everyone in my life is wrong. My doctor, my psychologist, nutritionist, husband, sisters, friends, parents and even my children are all experiencing the same group hallucination. Weird, that.

Today I am ridiculously tired. I had a lot of stuff to do yesterday and today I’m paying for it. But according to Gloria, I’m not hurting myself with this non problem that everyone else thinks I have. That menstruation thing? Pfff! Just think of that as some weird bonus and don’t forget to say thank you Gloria.

I have to be real here. I have to look at what’s going on. I have to be determined to fight this lie just as much as I am to fight the loud and more obvious ones. If I believe this lie (again) how much longer will the road out of this place be?

I know there are no shortcuts out. But there are so many crossroads to negotiate and wrong turns that will keep me here. Some days I won’t be able to recognise the right way to go. I hope today I have and that I’m strong enough to keep to it.

So. Nice try. But no takers today.

Gloria is not me.

hannh selfie

2 thoughts on “Denial

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